Saturday, July 21, 2007

My Sins

So I was raised a Catholic. During which, I struggled with the faith until I finally left it behind. As you get older you wonder why your parents would put you through that. I suppose it's due to some underlying desire to instill values that they don't know how to. Still I can't help but feel that while doctrines of faith are overrated, occasionally a value can be found in a tenet or so. Confession, for one. I don't think I've been to confession for nearly half my life at this point. Truthfully, I don't even believe in God. I've just seen too much to disprove it.

Nevertheless, they say confession is good for the soul. As such, these are my sins from the last 12 years:

I have abused drugs and alcohol to numb myself to the pain within me and to insulate myself from the world around me.

I've taken pleasure in the pain of others.

On occasion I've caused the pain of others in the hopes that it would somehow make me feel better about myself.

I have responded to those whom I felt have slighted me in kind rather than turning the other cheek.

I've taken people and things for granted simply because I could.

I've been selfish, inconsiderate, belligerent, and at worse, cold and emotionless.

And, I swear to Whatever that I honestly never did any of these things with malice aforethought. I never had the desire to be a "bad" person. I don't think most people do. Mostly, I just couldn't help myself. I tried to do the right things, but for a long time they were just too hard. Then when my sins brought me to my knees I realized that this wasn't much of a life. Since then I've done my best to change. Perhaps, I have. Perhaps, I haven’t. Only time will tell. Most importantly I say all of this both aloud and written not to ask for forgiveness, but in the hopes of preventing it in the future. Because if we don't grow, evolve, then what's the point?


Helen said...

"Because if we don't grow, evolve, then what's the point?"

I dunno man, but I'm pretty sure you were writing this same exact post about two years ago, in a different format.

(I'm trynna think of something that isn't too navel-gazey, it's tough!)

JManganelli said...

Well, to be fair it is a process. :-)

Plus, I was pretty much talking about stuff in the past not so much the present. Just reviewing to stay vigilante moreso than tackling new topics.

Bitter with a dash of Humor said...

Hmm, vigilante. I like where you're going with this. If you agree to make yourself an awesome vigilante in the book, I promise to drop the space aliens idea.

JManganelli said...

Yeah, I'm terrible with spelling...and grammar...and punctuation. All that being said, you still can't add space aliens to my book.