Thursday, November 8, 2007

Adult Literacy

So I'm 24 years old, and I just started reading books. Probably not a great sign. Better late than never, I guess.

I think that might be a generational thing. Although maybe not, I do know people my age who read. It's tough-I'll watch awful crap on TV anyday before I open a book. That just feels like homework, or something.

I'm backed up on books right now. I got one I'm in the middle of, one after that, and a couple more I want to get. I like non-fiction, actually-history, politics, biographies.

You know who I'd love to read a biography on? Hitler. Specifically, I've always wanted to know if anybody ever wrote anything on what his plans for the Japanese were if Germany won the war.

Has anybody ever wrote anything on that? That fascinates me.

Because you just know, Hilter wasn't going to just let it slide. He wasn't going to be like, "Hey, Japan. I know you don't fit into my master Aryan race, the one where no one has any pigment, but... ah what the hell, help yourself to some Beck's and new VW. Just you take your half of the world and we'll take ours, whatevs..."

Like you just know somewhere in Hitler's office there was day planner lying around somewhere that read--


"If the Allies don't take the atomic bombs they've secretly been testing and bomb the Japanese...BOMB THE JAPANESE!

P.S. Don't forget Eva's pint of Cherry Garcia."--

I take it back. That's actually the biography I want to read. Could you imagine being Eva Braun, the person who banged Hitler? A Hitler-fucker, if you will...

And, I don't if there is an afterlife or not, but you gotta imagine banging the most evil person who ever lived has to be bad enough to go to Hell.

Imagine she gets to the Heaven and St. Peter, or St. Paul, or whoever the fuck runs the gate is like, "Well, let's see here. You were affiliated with the Nazi party, which is pretty bad. Then again they'll be able to say that about the Pope in sixty years or so, so I guess we can't hold that against people anymore. On the other hand, you did bang Hitler. And, on the list of the worse five things in history, banging Hitler ranks somewhere around number 3 between feeding someone their own parents and having anything to do with the perpetuation of The Simple Life...with, of course, the number 1-ACTUALLY BEING ADOLF HITLER! Anyway, long story short, you don't need that sweater where you're going."

I had a point when I started. Oh, yeah...reading is fundamental.

1 comment:

Andrea said...

you sound kind of bummed.

Since you've discovered literacy, perhaps you could pick up a copy of the Twenty Something Manifesto by Christine Hassler. Might give you some food for thought.